2015 was a rough year for me personally and financially. I felt like I was scrambling around and being tested around each turn. I wasn’t sure which path was the right one. I was in limbo. This reflected in the fact that I didn’t write much in 2015. Unfinished projects litter my hard drive and binders filled with notes on half-baked plots taunt me. I was so busy worrying about life that I did nothing. I was paralyzed.
I forgot something in 2015. You can’t control life and if you find the strength to stop worrying and let go, it will resolve itself. I shouldn’t have worried about money. When I need it, an opportunity always shows up in the nick of time. How could I have forgotten to just trust that I’ll be taken care of? When I was younger I leapt without the net and now that I’m older, i see the net and still don’t jump. What the hell? Is it wisdom or fear? I guess only time will tell.
Onto the topic—I say intentions instead of resolutions because shit happens.
So, my intentions are pretty simple for this year. I’ve decided to do what makes me happy. I’m fucking tired of worrying, of trying to figure things out, of trying to pivot before shit happens. There’s a higher power than myself and He knows where I’m supposed to go, what I’m supposed to do. I’ll let Him worry about it. I’m going to do what I want and if he veers me onto another path, so be it.
In 2015 I went back to my corporate job. It was the highlight of the year for me. I couldn’t be more grateful that I accepted the challenge. This job did so much more than fill my savings account and provide health insurance. This job has always pushed me to the brink and when I think I can’t handle anymore, they say I can… and I do. Every time I go back to this job I learn so much. This time the stakes were higher and the sky was the limit for how high I could go. I know this job would change me. Judging by my soon to be predecessor, the chances of turning into a chain-smoking, cursing ball buster is where I’m headed. Aspects of that path appeal to me. Traveling to exotic locations, job security, a structured life and healthy retirement are what most people dream of. But, the truthful answer to the next question will determine the rest of your life.
What do you want?
Although I respect the company and love my coworkers, becoming a corporate beast is not my dream. A life filled with meetings, countless emails and constant pressure is not what I want for the next thirty years. I want to write, travel and have the freedom to explore. So, I resigned. My boss wasn’t mad. She said, “I’ve witnessed how you work. Maybe in a couple of years, when you think you’re ready, you can come back.” Never say never.
My intentions for 2016 are simple— write and enjoy myself. Thanks to my time back at my corporate job, I am very comfortable and plan to focus exclusively on writing this year. I want to get out the next books for the Birthright, White Mist and Unmemorable Series. If I have time I’ll add to Cursed Ancients and Cormac’s Pack. I also have some standalones I’m thinking of and who knows what else will crop up? I have to follow my curiosity as the quote says.
I would like to go on a trip this year, but we’ll see what happens. I’m going to let things unfold and if everything comes together, it’s meant to be. You have no idea how excited I am for this year to play out. I have everything I need to be a success— my computer, internet, coffee and a mind full of ideas ready to be spilled across the page. All I need is time, which, thanks to my family and my former job, I have in spades.
Wish me luck!